Sex Data

By ABIGAIL KOERNER   Roses are red Violets are blue 17.4% of Harvard students say they’re bisexual Was one of them you? 11.2% gay 0.7% Queer 63.2% heterosexual Makes the overwhelming majority clear 50% who aren’t that Are out to friends But not to mom and dad In our Indy Sex Survey 50 was a magic number With half of Harvard penises Circumcised down under Such data can be seen In naked pictures sent along As 50 ish percent have sent nudes from their phones Tastes of sex were also analyzed People love pizza post sex Not fries You voted …

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Sex Week

Events and revelations. By ANDIE TURNER   When I was young, my parents told me that people made babies when they “kissed, really fast, forty times in a row”. To punctuate their point, my mom would lean into my dad and he’d bounce his lips, woodpecker style, onto hers as she counted between breaths “…thirty-seven!… thirty-eight!… thirty-nineeeee!” But they never got to forty. My little brother and I would cover our eyes and screech as they approached, asymptotically, that mystical number.   So you can imagine my confusion when my mom took me to see Juno in the fourth grade. …

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An Ode to My Goldman Sachs Lover

Dearest Finance bro For tonight, and tonight alone, make me your corporate hoe. I can see you’re from a bulge bracket And tonight I hope your bulge makes a racket. I like to keep a diversified portfolio So through my bedroom many of your kind go. But you best take a long position in your stock Or little attention will be received by your cock. I’ve always enjoyed liquidity in my assets So let’s do some double entry accounting with no ragrets; Keep going down on me until it makes you feel cheap And I’ll buy you up so you’re …

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Wholesome Sex

On more than just the physical act. By DAN VALENZUELA Like the well-educated person I should be, I try not to get caught up in whatever movies show me, especially when it comes to portrayals of sex. They usually sell only the sexy parts of sex, the pleasure, the passion, and sometimes the pain. American Pie and its spin-offs aren’t complete without bare breasts and spontaneous sex. But of course, the breasts and sex are all uncomplicated. Sex happens, breasts are exposed. Fifty Shades of Gray attempted to cash in on sex through a similar way; it showed watered-down versions …

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Left On Read

Service charges may apply. By HUNTER RICHARDS   You realize that the night is winding down and your plans seem to have fallen through. It’s 2 am and you’re back in your common room. You’re not yet tired enough to just pass out and call it a night, but you’re also not conscious enough to put in much effort. Cue the booty call to Ol’ Reliable. Maybe they have a different name or emoji in your phone but we all have one: they’re that one person you don’t really want to grab brunch with, but you love trying out the …

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Embrace All

Heteronormativity in cultural organizations at Harvard. By ANONYMOUS Cultural organizations at Harvard support the well-being of our community in many ways. They foster a sense of home for students of similar backgrounds; they provide safe space to talk about issues related to racial and ethnic identity. But at times, social constructs and norms from home permeate into these very organizations at Harvard. Heteronormativity is one of them. I have yet to see a case of active discrimination or blatant homophobia within these cultural organizations. I would like to believe that we are all sensible Harvard students who don’t form misjudgments …

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YOU HAVE TO GO FULL LESBIAN VAMPIRE you say, breath ghosting warm against the burgundy butterflies we will discover in the mirror later   i swear it’s the oxytocin but we are long past things making sense, and   maybe we are just tired: maybe we just want to be small and gentle and sleep, back to chest, ocean tide breaths carrying us through the wide quiet night