The Results Are In…

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Funniest sex stories:

“I went to lick his chest, he moved and I licked his armpit instead. His deodorant burnt my tongue and I started crying and ran to the bathroom.”

“BF kissed his arm by accident thinking it was mine and was confused when I didn’t react.”

“While blowing me, she started laughing when All Star by Smash Mouth started playing in the background and promptly threw up on my dick.”

Never do anything in a squash court after hours. It will only end badly.

 

Nicknames for Genitalia:

Wreck It Ralph

The Punisher

Princess Diana

The Tickler

Sweet Niblets

Arnold, the Sperminator

Vag Kilmer

Charles Dickenballs

Juanita

Sext/Online dating message:

Guy: “Come over, I have a cat.”

Me: “I have a different kind of pussy you can play with…”

 

Are you constipated? Because i’d like to fuck the shit out of you.

 

I’ll tickle ur pickle for a nickel.

 

With an established partner: Good morning text featuring description of their fantasizing about me the night before. 🙂  

 

How about we take the Rocky Road to Poundtown where I can flick your Vanilla Bean and you can make my Banana Split?

 

You look like a serial killer…

 

Strangest Porn: “Right in front of my salad!”

Fantasies?

“Office hours. Hot TF. Only one to show up. You get the gist.”

 

“Group sex with all the attention on me!”

 

“Getting an A in Ec 10…”

 

64.8% of respondents have sexted!

17% of respondents have lied and said they were not a “virgin”.

11.8% of respondents have lied and said they were a “virgin”.

 

We are so smoooooth….

“Hey, are you water in a drought? Because my demand for you is completely inelastic.”

“HOW MUCH DOES A POLAR BEAR WEIGH? ENOUGH TO BREAK THE ICE.”