By Megan Sims
Goodbye, Drew! Hello ____!
By MEGAN SIMS
With the start of this school year came a big announcement: Drew Faust will step down as President of Harvard University. Faust’s reign, beginning in 2007, was marked by waves of student protest, social unrest, and massive change at the university. From Occupy Harvard to Divest protests to the imposition of sanctions of single gender social organizations, Faust’s presidency has certainly been eventful. Her imminent departure has sparked widespread speculation in regards to her successor. Who will rise to the (rather daunting) challenge of leading our beloved Harvard?
With a seat at the top of one of the most influential institutions in the world now approaching vacancy, the Indy wants to, in true Indy fashion, offer some possible suggestions to the University for Faust’s replacement.
Her commitment to running as a Green Party candidate every four years is admirable, and as an alum of the college and the Med School could provide the insider perspective we need. Of course, getting rid of wifi because of its potential harm to the brain might not be the best or most popular move.
Already the face/leader/figurehead/icon/professor/star/cult leader of one of Harvard’s most popular courses, David Malan might be the perfect person for a promotion. Picture it: photobooths with puppet props in every building, electronic musical accompaniment for all lectures, and five weeks into the semester everyone’s life suddenly becomes impossible to solve and no one understands a thing anymore.
Why not take Harvard’s commitment to STEM a step further with a Muskian style makeover. Think the quad is far? In a few years, freshmen will be dreading getting Mars-ed on housing day.
RuPaul Andre Charles
“In the main challenge, your exclusivity was exquisite, but on the runway, your binary was more like bye-nary. I’m sorry, single gender social organizations, but you are up for elimination.”
That Bear Cartoon from That One Episode of Black Mirror
I mean, things seemed to work out fine for Britain, right?
Your Mom’s Disappointment About You Not Calling Home Enough
Consistent, ever-present, and always looming over your shoulder, what more could you want out of a university president? Besides, nothing like a disapproving look that you know you deserve to keep you out of trouble.
The Indy Staff
Your favorite journalists are ready for a new challenge.
Megan Sims (email@example.com) is personally rooting for Vermin Supreme for Harvard President.