An Ode to My Goldman Sachs Lover


Dearest Finance bro
For tonight, and tonight alone, make me your corporate hoe.
I can see you’re from a bulge bracket
And tonight I hope your bulge makes a racket.

I like to keep a diversified portfolio
So through my bedroom many of your kind go.
But you best take a long position in your stock
Or little attention will be received by your cock.

I’ve always enjoyed liquidity in my assets
So let’s do some double entry accounting with no ragrets;
Keep going down on me until it makes you feel cheap
And I’ll buy you up so you’re all mine to keep.

With my 0% interest, I can’t blame you for offering little return,
As it’s for consultants that I truly do yearn.
I know you Excel wizards are far from dumb
So why is it so hard for you to make me cum?
Oh finance bro, in the bedroom little do you know.