Do you want to be my little bed bug?
By HUNTER RICHARDS
Growing up, I learned pretty early on that I wasn’t “The Hot Friend.” Which is fine! I was happy to be the funny friend. The problem is, I didn’t realize I was hot until college. That’s part of the reason that I never noticed people were showing interest in my quirky habits for any reason other than a mutual fascination with weird things.
That’s part of the reason I’ve watched Bee Movie so many times. I genuinely love NJBs (Nice Jewish Bees), and AEPi just doesn’t do it for me anymore. Hearing someone say they’ve never watched Bee Movie is music to my ears. Once people figure out I’m meme trash, I suddenly start getting an inflow of messages with the obscure references and funny images. I’m also still young and naive enough to believe that someone could possibly be that excited to watch Seinfeld sue mankind over honey and laugh at my pollen jock jokes without any ulterior motives.
I didn’t question it when I started getting Tinder messages from guys I already knew referencing Star Wars after appearing in the Pforzheimer Housing Day video as Rey. My optimistic Midwestern personality really wanted to believe that I had found a like-minded individual that just wanted to discuss this shared interest. Imagine my surprise when they invited me over to watch a Star Wars movie and suddenly their arm was around my shoulder.
It’s hard for me to believe that I can be this weird and still have people wanting to sleep with me. It’s stranger that I can get away with joking about how someone was only interested in watching Bee Movie with me because they were hoping it’d end with me getting “Stinger Blasted.” It’s even worse that I can still go for Round 2™ after making that joke.
Hunter Richards (firstname.lastname@example.org) is buzzing with excitement.