Political personalities of the Houses.
We have all been on this emotional rollercoaster that is the 2016 Presidential Election. For some of us, humor is the only outlet to express disappointment and deep sadness. This one is for us: the houses in terms of the Electoral College.
Not because they are thousands of miles away; No, it’s more because 54 of the 55 votes are from Dean Khurana lobbying in Cabot Cafe. It’s not buying votes if you lure the voters in by featuring them on your Instagram page.
It looked pretty close there for a minute, rivaling the anxiety of a sudden surge of aggressive emails over the list-serv. Like Nevada, there’s one big party and then you’re not really sure what else, but the Bell Tower doesn’t light up near as much as Vegas.
The first place you think of when the topic of marijuana comes up. If you’re going to venture to the other side of campus, you’re probably looking for one of the landmarks of campus (read: the Ten Man, Tree House, one of the Solariums, etc).
We get it, you have Fete. Your house committee has so much money that Eliot could probably subsist on its own. All of the debates over housing always end with the Fete card but we just let them have it because we know they’re all living in a walk-through common room-turned-bedroom.
You literally never know what to expect and you’re always anxious about whether you’re going to find asbestos, or just a small double, or if you’re lucky, perhaps a palatial suite in Prescott.
Kirkland: New Hampshire
It took a lot of work to get through to them but they still prefer to do their own thing and keep to themselves. You’re familiar with their general geographical location and know it’s pretty close but not really sure exactly what’s there worth seeing to warrant a visit.
See, we all know there are 12 houses but we also usually only end up naming 11 easily before realizing we forgot Mather. Maybe it’s the distance, maybe it’s blocking out Mather Lather (and the subsequent pink eye). We’re listening, but we already made our decision and just want you to feel included.
Nothing says Midwest charm quite like a pack of Corgis out for a walk and the bunnies occupying the Lev courtyards. Lev doesn’t exactly start much trouble but they really like to feel included.
After a year of construction, we had some high hopes. Now we just have more hallway doubles. We figured you had it all figured out, but now realize we should have listened to you more so you did not feel the need to lash out.
Maybe it’s because everyone wanted Adams on Housing Day and there were only 140 beds for incoming sophomores, spread across only 40 rooms. However, we didn’t see this one coming. The longer walks around all of the construction in the square seemed to give them more time to think about the election than we expected.
We really thought we had you pegged and it was all peachy with the Lowell tea and peaceful yellow dining hall, but we see now that the morning bells can take their toll.
Quincy: New York
Quincy might not be the biggest but they have got some heavy influence and certainly put in the work. We are more than willing to put that terrifying Man-Penguin video out of our minds and give them the benefit of the doubt for trying and always coming through for us.
Freshman Yard: Montana
You might be pretty big, but since it is your first year having to figure out how much Advil you’re actually able to take in one day and whether you can eat eggs at every meal for a week, you are going to need a little more experience before you get that leverage.
Hunter Richards (firstname.lastname@example.org) is hoping to fulfill her civics Gen Ed requirement with this article.