A plea for more honesty in the college hook up culture.
Let’s be honest. The college hook up culture is not going to change itself. Countless articles have been written on the end of romance and the degradation in the sanctity of sex. Yes, that is probably accurate. Thanks to ~the media~ sex has become more visible to younger eyes, and technology has made it more accessible than ever before.
Is that necessarily a bad thing? When done right (read: consensually) more sex is more fun. The hook up culture has at least delivered this to our dorm room doorsteps; and laundry rooms around campus continue to be stockyards for condoms.
So why the bad rap? My astute analysis concludes that the reason the hook up culture is so often criticized is because the games people play are as nebulous as the italics make them sound in your head (as you read this article instead of writing your research paper due in two days).
College is hard. Being honest and open with each other is even harder. But it is my true belief that the antidote to the woes of the hook up culture is being direct and real, early and often.
And so here are some ground rules, to guide you from awkward to chill within the framework of the hook up culture. (Do I sound like a consultant yet?)
If you just want to hook up with this person, don’t act like you want to date him or her.
Do not ask about each other’s day, or carry on a conversation with your Saturday night conquest that starts from menial shit like “how’s section?” Small talk is the precursor to “talking” and “talking” leads to emotions. I’m all for respecting the other humans with whom you fornicate, but there’s nothing disrespectful about being honest with your intentions—as limited as they may be. If you want to bang—just bang.
Alternatively, if you’re looking for something more than just a 2 am rendezvous, make it known.
You cannot get mad at someone not giving you what you want if you never tell them what you want. This takes a lot of soul searching. From personal experience, I spent semester after semester telling myself I didn’t want more out of my booty calls because I was afraid that admitting that would reflect some form of weakness. I couldn’t have been more wrong. If I had been honest from the start, I would sure as hell have saved a lot of time, energy, and drunk, mediocre sex.
Fuck “ghosting”—it’s a coward move.
Ghosting: the act of pretending you don’t exist in order to avoid a former hook up. Just don’t do it. Don’t ignore his or her texts, just respond saying you’re over it. Don’t pretend you don’t see each other in the line to FlyBy—you do—so just follow up and give the poor kid some closure. Brutal? Maybe for a minute or two. But by saying you’re not into it, clearly and early, will be better at the end of the day. You just prevented months of avoiding eye contact around campus. (Just kidding, we all know that happens anyway.)
Being direct can be tough, awkward, and sometimes hurtful for one or more parties involved. But unfavorable closure is always better than none. And sometimes, if you are honest, your “we’re just hooking up” can turn into something magical.
Of all the accomplishments Harvard students have, a simple conversation should not be the most difficult. So take that risk and try honesty for once—it may just be the saving grace to the infamous hook up culture.
Anonymous thinks Casper is the only acceptable kind of ghost.