Shit Cosmo Should Say (But Doesn’t)


How to have great sex.


To most females, Cosmopolitan magazine is a go-to publication for a giggle-inducing, girls-night-in. With a front cover that boasts 125 different ways to please your man, how could a girl not want to pick it up and learn a few tricks? But while Cosmo offers a myriad of sex tips for us eager women, most of the time, Cosmo is, quite honestly, full of shit when it comes to sex, especially great sex. Instead of telling us the most basic ways to have great sex, they detail 50 different ways to do it with whipped cream. While whipped cream is, in fact, great, it is not necessary to have great sex. To fill the holes (pun intended) left by Cosmo on this topic, here are some basic tips for how to have amazing sex.
A few disclaimers first, though. As much as I like to think so, I am not a sex guru (and neither, might I add, are most of the writers at Cosmo). Before you take any advice about sex, whether it be from this article or any other source of information, know what sex means to you. If you want to wait until marriage, or if you like having a little fun on the weekends, or if you have already met the person with whom you want to have sex for the rest of your life, it’s an important thing to know.

Also, don’t expect sex to change the relationship you’re currently in. If you’re just hooking up with someone and haven’t had sex with them yet, don’t think that having sex with them will make them your boyfriend. Hint: it won’t. If your partner is pressuring you to have sex, and you don’t want to, that’s totally fine. So, too, is deciding mid-coitus that you don’t want to do it anymore. Sex is only great if you’re comfortable, and if you’re being pressured or aren’t into it, you aren’t comfortable.

Lastly, most of the advice in this article may be a bit more heteronormative than you may like, and for that, I apologize. But some of it is universal, and I encourage you to talk to more people about the topics I bring up in this article.

So, great sex. First of all, being vocal is key. It sucks when the person you’re with is just lying there in silence. How do you know if they’re having a good time? You don’t. For all you know, their mind could be on the p-set they have do tomorrow, not you and your rockin’ body. So it’s important to communicate to your partner what you like and don’t like. And to do that, use actual words, not just sexy noises. For example, if things are going well for you, say things like ‘That feels so good’ or ‘Please keep going.’ If you want to know if what you’re doing feels good to your partner, simply ask them! Being vocal allows both of you to know for a fact that the sex is mutually enjoyable, and if it isn’t, being vocal will allow you to fix that because you can communicate how to make it better. If you say exactly what you want, chances are, your partner will listen, and vice versa. It’s a win-win for everyone, really.

Another important aspect of great sex is that it should not hurt. Being in pain is not fun. If you’re a girl and you’re not wet enough, more foreplay is definitely needed. If you’re just not in the mood, more foreplay may be the answer as well. However, if after all of that, it still hurts, stop. Sex is not great if it’s painful. A few exceptions to this rule are that if it’s your first time, if you haven’t had sex for a long time, or if your partner is going too deep and hitting your cervix. For your first time, there’s not much you can do to ease the pain other than to tell your partner to be gentle. Practice will make perfect. The same goes for if you haven’t done it in awhile. If your partner is going in too deep, simply tell them to be more careful. Like I said before, communication is the key to great sex.

What one might argue as even more important than communication in having mind-blowing sex is achieving orgasm. Makes sense right? But coming during intercourse is something that most women actually don’t do. It takes the average male 2-5 minutes to achieve orgasm without fail. For us ladies, its 12-20 minutes, and even then, it doesn’t happen every time. Thinking that you have to come every single time you have sex puts a lot of pressure on you, which makes the sex less enjoyable, and makes you even less likely to have an orgasm. So don’t expect it to come from just intercourse! There are other ways — for example, by touching yourself. Clitoral orgasms are much more frequent than orgasms from stimulation of the vaginal wall or the g-spot. You could also ask your partner to touch you, but chances are, you’re a lot better at it than he is, and will be more likely to come if you do it than if he does. Not only will this be more enjoyable for you, but it will also make you wetter and tighter, so it will be better for your partner, too. If your partner has a problem with you touching yourself during sex, then it’s probably time to bail.

Of course, there are other ways to improve your sex life (i.e. sex positions!) that Cosmo could possibly help you with, but communication, comfort, and coming are definitely the three big Cs. Now that you’ve got some of the basics down, stop reading. Really, I mean it. Put down this paper or exit the window on your computer. Go forth, I tell you, and have some great sex!

Anonymous will continue to read Cosmo regularly.