So we’ve got the World Net Daily articles, those darn facts of his (“Now, what I want is, Facts.”), and, of course, his ubiquity in the God-endorsed Mike Huckabee campaign. Carlos Ray Norris (alias “Chuck”) really seems to be up to something.
Unabashed in his obviously devious plan to take over the world, Chuck has already endorsed statements such as “Chuck Norris doesn’t endorse; he tells America how it’s gonna be.” But little did we know that he would be personally coming after our Godless liberal haven here in Cambridge.
On the interactive email list “Throptalk”, the main communication device for those unfortunate enough to live by the abominably filthy Charles River, a communication from a tutor about a hard drive malfunction (and a plea to get more people on the list-serv) resulted in an unfunny, irrelevant, and absurd declaration: “Even Chuck Norris lurks on Throptalk!”
Now is the part where I chastise Winthrop House for being so lame. “Throptalk???” Really?? That’s the best you can do? Not even just plain “Winthrop-list”? Oh well, I guess it’s still better than “moose-droppings”. Also, you guys are still making Chuck Norris jokes? That’s so sophomore year of high school.
Back to the subject at hand. The innocent jab at Walker Texas Ranger seemed to have awakened his omniscient ire, because a few emails later, this appeared in all Throptalk subscriber’s inbox:
Chuck Norris cnorris at fas.harvard.edu
Thu Jan 17 19:14:11 EST 2008
Yer damn right I do.
Oh. My. God. He is here. He is everywhere. There is nowhere left to hide. I hope he hasn’t found out I’m voting for Giuli… er, nevermind. Nothing. I didn’t say anything. *quivers in fear*